Almost back in the swing of things

Has it really been almost 2 weeks since last I posted?! Wow, time is going by fast and now that I'm back to work there isn't enough time for everything. We are frantically trying to get things ready for daycare and getting ready for the cold weather. We are almost there but still need to buy a winter coat for the little guy.

Last week was hard, it was my first full week back to work. I'm getting back into the swing of things but my brain still feels like mush LOL! I have heard rumors though that once you are a Mom you lose some of your smarts, oh no :(

This week is a short week for me at work, I'm taking my birthday (Nov 1st) and the 2nd off. Usually I dread my birthday but not this year it is special, my first one being a Mommy!!!! I had to explain to Dan the other day that he is going to have to help Briar with picking out a gift for me and card until he is old enough to do himself. Good thing I mentioned it cause it sure sounded like Dan had no idea this is how it works. Geesh, men!

We finally got the proofs of the photo session we had in September. The pictures are wonderful and Briar is so adorable! Not sure if I mentioned this but we went through Celebrating Adoption and found our photographer, she is in St. Micheal and did just a wonderful job! Here is a link to our slideshow, this link might only work until Nov 3rd so I will attach a couple of the photos (shhhhh, don't tell anyone).

Back to work

It was my first day back to work today. All I could do was think about Briar and stare at the pictures of him I brought with me. UGH! My boss was so sweet she said I could leave at Noon if I wanted to. I probably should have but didn't. I wanted to give Dan his time with Briar and also I need to get use to being at work. I did leave about 30 minutes early though. When I got home I got a better reception from Roxie then Briar. I don't think he even knew I was gone all day :(

The day I'm truly dreading is Nov 5th when he starts daycare. That will be the hardest morning ever for me!

We survived!

We got back from our trip last night around 8:30pm. It was so good to be home and sleep in our own beds! Briar was a good little traveler, he did better then we all expected him to. It wasn't until the trip back when he had a true meltdown and just needed to take more then a couple minute break from his car seat. We were about 3 hours from home and luckly only a few miles from a rest stop. We walk around outside for quite awhile, until it started to rain and then just hung out in the van for a bit. Those last 3 hours were pretty tough for the little guy, we did stop for dinner and let him stretch out on the booth beside us. As soon as were were about a mile from home he started to have another meltdown. His face lit up once he saw he was back in his house and out of his car seat. He was such a trooper!

I think my Mom and Dad should be Sainted for having endured 26 hours in the car with a 4 month old and new parents! They definitely have earned up enough bonus points to spoil their Grandson rotten for a couple years to come without Mom & Dad telling them no, LOL!!!

My Grandma's 90th birthday celebration was so much fun! I'm so glad we were able to make it down there, I know it meant the world to her. Briar fell in love with her right away (well after he had his diaper changed, we arrived with a poopy diaper and he wasn't to happy). He usually doesn't like to just hang out on your lap but he loved it with Great Grandma (see pics below). He was a big hit with everyone and there seemed to always be a line up for holding him. He did great with being around approx 50 people, I have a feeling he's going to be quite the little "ham" and attention getter. I can't wait!

Oye Vay!

It's almost 11:30PM and I think I'm done packing for our trip. I had to pack for both Briar, myself and get things ready for Roxie to go to Jill's and Ron's this weekend. OH MY! That is alot of work, UGH! And I'm sure I have forgotten something. By the time I am finally able to go to bed and get into a deep sleep Mr Briar will probably decide he needs to fuss. Well at least there are 4 adults to help drive tomorrow so hopefully I can nap. However I'm not a very good car napper. It's a curse of us people that always feel the need to be in control. Well I best sign off and get to bed cause 5am will be here before I know it. I so wish we had the money to fly but at $500 per person I just couldn't justify it.

Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go!

One week left

I can't believe I only have one week left of staying at home with Briar. I go back on October 17th. Wow, did that time go by fast!!!! I've been a bit depressed the last two weeks in anticipation of going back to work but it will be good to be around adults again. I can't wait for Dan to have his 3 weeks with Briar, I just hope Briar isn't too attached to me and will be good for Daddy.

We did start him on rice cereal last week. Its' going pretty good so far. We are only giving it to him once a day so he can get use to it and will increase to twice a day in a few weeks. Here is a link to pictures of his first taste. Too cute!

We are taking our first official trip with Briar this weekend. And it is a big one, yikes! We are driving down to Oklahoma for my Grandma's 90th birthday. It's about 13 hour drive, oh boy. We will be going with my Mom and Dad in their minivan which should be a bit more comfortable. Briar does good in the car, usually falls asleep so hopefully he will do okay. We are stopping in Wichita on Friday night to stay with my Uncle and Aunt, that's only about 9 hours, then head down to OK on Saturday morning. However coming home on Monday it will be straight through. Wish us luck!!!

We decided not to take Roxie with us, that would just be way too much. So Ron and Jill have offered to doggie sit, thank goodness! I can't stand the idea of boarding her. Of course she needs to look her best for her weekend retreat so we got her hair cut the other day (usually I trim her at home) at Petsmart and when she came home she had bows in her hair. She didn't look too happy about it, she really isn't a girlie girl. Check it out:

4 months

I can't believe our little guy is 4 months old today! And that I only have 2 more weeks left of my leave :( I'm already starting to stress about going back to work. I'm going to miss him soooooo much! I don't know how I will get through it.

We had our 4 month check up and shots today. Briar is growing like a weed, check out his status from 2 months ago compare to now and the progress he has made for the percentile groups:

2 month ago
Height - 21 inches, 5 %
Weight - 10lbs 6 oz, 10-25 %
Head size - 38.4 cm, 25 %

4 months (today)
Height - 24 inches, 50-75%
Weight - 14 lbs, 25-50%
Head size - 41.5 cm, 25-50%

What really surprised me was his height, jumping from the 5th percentile to the 50th-75th percentile in only two months. This makes me think he is going to be a tall one! Only time will tell. We also got the green like to start with Rice Cereal if we wanted, I'm not sure yet.

He didn't do so well this time with the shots. He cried so hard and many, many tears came streaming down his face. We had to wait in the room for a bit before we could leave. All day he has been out of sort, cranky and only taking a few minute naps here and there. I feel so bad for him, just wish I could take his pain away. We gave him his bath earlier then normal and fed him and put him to bed before 8pm. I'm sure he will wake up mid way through the night, oh well.

Briar's first party

Briar attended his first party on Sunday which he was the guest of honor! We had a "welcome to the family" celebration, we opted for this in lieu of a traditional baby shower, which was alot of fun! Dan and I were amazed at the turn out and were so touched by the support and love we felt from everyone. We are so lucky to have such wonderful people in our lives and now a part of Briar's life as well. During the party I took a step back and just took everything in, what a truly happy time in our lives. I felt so filled with life and so blessed that we can now share in "family" event with friends, participate in play dates and just talk about parenting techniques with all of our friends that have children. We've waited so long for this, I just don't ever want it to end!

I want to send a special thank you out to my Mom(Sue), Jill, Kerri and Ron for hosting this event for us. They did such a fabulous job with everything! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Also a big THANK YOU to all our family and friends who attended and/or sent their well wishes!

Firsts

This last week has been filled with firsts! So I thought I would share these:

• We sent out our first ever baby announcement! I thought this day would never come, it was so great to put these in the mail. (Those in Canada, they have been mailed but we all know how slow postal mail can be.)


• Briar has slept through the night! Offically the first time was on September 6th but this past week he has done it 3 times!!!! On Saturday, Tuesday and Wednesday. He goes down at 10pm and wakes up at 5am. Mommy is so happy :)


• IB came for a visit on Sunday. Our first visit were we were officially the parents of Briar and not her. It was a great visit and he was very awake and talkative with her. It was wonderful to see him interact with her, they definitely have a special connection.


• We went for our first visit to Mommy's work on Monday and was very well behaved. Everyone just loved him and thought he was just the cutest thing ;-)


• Briar had his first almost successful thumb sucking on Monday (see picture below) and then last night he actually was successful for about 1 minute. I was not able to capture that Kodak moment :(


• Mommy and Briar spent our first night alone without Daddy in the house :( Dan is gone on a business trip to CA, he will be back on Friday afternoon. It went pretty good, however I think Briar could tell something was different since he woke up at 2am for a feeding and was up for the day at 6am. I guess he thought Mommy was lonely and needed his company ;-)


• And last but not least, Briar did his first blowing of a Raspberry last night! He has been pretty good about getting the spit built up for a couple of weeks but last night was the first time he actually did the full blown (ha ha ha) Raspberry.

So there you have it, my little guy is starting to grow up. What a wonderful year this is going to be for us!

(I just had to add a few other pictures besides the thumb sucking)

A weeks gone by

Has it already been a week since I was pacing the floor and jumping every time the phone rang?! Wow, this week has gone by so fast! Now that I don't have the fear of Briar leaving us I can enjoy every single minute with him without wondering if it is my last. All week I've been hugging and kissing him every chance I get (he probably feels smothered, LOL!). I can't get enough of looking into his eyes and face, he is just so beautiful and what a blessing!

He is starting to coo a lot more, he loves carrying on a conversation with me and thinks it is just so much fun. I just wish I knew what he was saying! He loves to smile and has giggled once for me, it was so cute! He is now down to only one feeding in the middle of the night. YAY!!!! And is finally on a set schedule which is just wonderful.

Grandma and Grandpa are going to baby sit again on Saturday night so we can have a date night. My mom offered the other day and I said I would have to check with Dan. When I asked Dan he said "Why are you asking me? When ever they offer to baby sit we should always say Yes!" It was one of those rare moments where Dan made sense and I wasn't thinking straight, he was pretty happy with himself for that one! Now we just need to find something to do on Saturday night.

100% ours

It's been almost 24 hours that Briar has been 100% ours! It still hasn't sunk in fully. I think it will once Raechel calls on Monday to Congratulate us.

We went out for a celebratory breakfast, unfortunately Briar probably didn't know since he was asleep. However Mommy and Daddy sure did enjoy it! Especially Daddy, he is a big breakfast fan. I can see it now, Briar and Daddy ganging up on Mommy to go to breakfast when all she wants to do is get an extra hour of sleep.

Today the words Mommy and Daddy certainly took on a whole new feeling for Dan and me, now when we say them to Briar it is 100% true! Can you see me smiling from ear to ear?????

What time is it?!?!

Not Morris Day and The Time! However, now I have their song in my head ......aawwwhhh the days of Prince and the Purple Rain ;-)

It is 9:00pm CST and we have not heard anything! This is great news since the other day Raechel said that no news is good news. That she would not call us tonight unless IB revoked. It has now been 4 hours since the deadline and I would think we would have heard something by now if she had.

Dan and I think it is pretty safe to say that Briar is forever our Son! We have already started our family celebration :)

Thank you! To every single person who took the time to say a prayer for us, no matter how short or long, God has heard us all and granted Dan and me this wonderful blessing.

I wasn't expected, I was selected!

please stop ringing

UGH! Would the phone please stop ringing today! I've had at least 5 phone calls so far today, which is out of the norm around here. The nerve of people to call today, especially a certain best friend (not to mention names, oh but I have too! Ron) who wasn't thinking. I don't know if I can handle having my stomach up in my throat anymore today.

Only a few more hours to get through. I can do this, I know I can. It must be like labor but without the physical pain, waiting anxiously for good news.

P.S. You know I forgive you Ronnie! ;-)

Events over the last few days

A couple things have happened over the last few days. We did hear from IB the other evening that she was able to get a hold of her Mom. She said the conversation went pretty good, once she was able to talk with her. The first call the Mom did not answer so IB tried the next day. She said that her Mom was mad that she did not tell her about her pregnancy but that she will support IB in whatever she decides to do (parent or adoption). The fact that this is an open adoption really helped her to not be closed to this option; that she can meet and be a part of Briar's life. I could tell when I was talking with IB how relieved she felt but also got the sense that now she might be considering parenting.

IB also asked if she could take Briar for a visit with the Aunt. We of course could not say no since we are in the legal risk period; not that we would have anyway but we are just concerned that the Aunt will continue to pressure her to parent and try to make her feel guilty about her decision. When she dropped him off we asked how it went she said "good", however we were not sure if that had meant he was good or that the Aunt wasn't giving her a hard time. Briar started to fuss so we didn't talk long.

Then last night we received a call from Raechel....FINALLY!!!!! She was able to connect with IB yesterday to discuss how things were going and how she felt. Raechel said that she sounded like a different person and very happy. I had to know, so I straight out asked Raechel if IB was thinking about parenting or going through with her adoption plan. She said that IB was planning on going through with the adoption. WAIT....don't get too excited just yet. As we know from past history (previous failed match) we should not always put 100% faith in what social workers say, since people can change their minds.

I am feeling pretty good though, I would have to say I'm about 80% confident that this adoption will happen(this is pretty good coming from the girl who's glass is always half empty, LOL!). IB has until 5pm on Friday to revoke, so if we don't hear from the agency on Friday evening (I would give them until 6pm to call us, if she revokes) Briar is ours forever!!!!

Please keep sending those prayers our way until Friday evening. THANKS!!!!!

New twist

Our meeting with IB yesterday went great! The discussions were very heart felt, open and honest. At times I teared up and so did IB. She stayed for almost 4 hours and Briar was awake for the majority which I know IB just loved. We did give her a white gold pendant, it is a shape of a heart and key. We wanted her to have something to reminder her of Briar and the importance she has in his life; that he is the key to her heart. She did give us both hugs when she left, which was a good sign.

However we did find out that now there is an added twist to her decision process. I think I had mentioned this before, IB kept her pregnancy a secret and moved away from her immediate family (several states away). She does have an Aunt who lives here in MN and she was able to hide it from her as well. However some how the Aunt found out (IB thinks it was her roommate snooping) and is not supportive at all of IB's adoption plan. The Aunt decided to intervene and called IBs Mom. So now IB has the added stress of having to face her Mom about Briar and her decision.

We did ask if this will change her mind, she sounded somewhat firm in her decision to move forward with the adoption. However we all know what family pressure can be like and she could succumb to their request to parent him.

If the family wasn't involved I would say that I was 99% confident she will go through with the adoption after yesterday's visit. But they are involved so it's a 50/50 shot.

Still holding breath

Briar is still with us :)

We did get some more information yesterday from Raechel, IBs social worker (she is back from vacation thank goodness). Raechel spoke with the other social worker that IB met with on Wednesday. Apparently IB has concerns about our openness relationship and how it will look in the future. Currently it has been pretty formal however she would like it to be more open and us sharing more information on how things are going with Briar. We totally agree! However every time she has come to visit she has brought a friend which is very hard to open up when there is a third person there.

She also wants to hear more from me, how I'm doing with bonding with Briar. I guess I've been holding back in fear that I would hurt her or make her feel bad if I shared too much on how things were going for me and him. Time to start opening up!

She knows in her heart it would be hard for her to parent Briar since all she really has to offer him is love. She is struggling with the question of "is that enough" and what really will be her future role if we parent him.

She did call last night and she is coming over on Sunday for a visit to discuss these things. We found out also that Raechel did not connect with her yesterday and when we told IB that we talked with Raechel yesterday she sounded surprised/disappointed (that she didn't get to talk with her but we did). We are pretty pissed that Raechel did not make it priority to connect with IB especially since she sounded pretty depressed. Raechel has been IBs sole support and I would think no matter how busy she is that it is her job to check in with her even if she had to do it after hours.

Anyway, this is somewhat encouraging but we are still holding our breath and need to see how Sunday goes.

Scary thought

It dawned on me late last night that by this weekend we may not have Briar in our lives any more :( It is so hard for me to wrap my head around this thought. It will be so sad, quite and empty around here if this happens. Honestly, I don't know if Dan and I have it in us to pursue another adoption if this one fails. This is so much harder then any infertility issues.

So many people have said to think positively and keep the faith. Really no matter what we think right now it is not going to change what IB decides. And we need to protect ourselves right now and plan for the worse case scenario. Don't get me wrong, I'm still praying but I just need to be prepared (as much as one can be in this situation).

IB has an appointment today (Wednesday) with a social worker at the agency. It's not with her social worker because wouldn't you know it, Raechel is on vacation during this whole thing. The one person that has been IBs sole support through this and knows all the reasons why she originally decided on an adoption plan. I just hope they keep really good notes in their files so this other social worker can provide the support IB needs right now.

Oh no! Lifetime Movie moment :(

At some point in every one's life there is a Lifetime Movie moment, you know what I'm talking about. Well mine was today. I received a call from the agency this afternoon, IB is second guessing her decision :(

This does not mean she is changing her mind yet but she wants to make sure she is making this decision for the right reasons. The agency is getting her in touch with parenting resources and another birth mom who has gone through with the adoption process to hear how it feels once it is all done. Mainly will it still hurt as bad as it does today.

She did call us last night and Dan talked with her. He said she sounded down and has been sick. I think the pressure of signing, the 10 working day/legal risk period, being sick and not seeing Briar for almost 2 weeks has gotten to her.

The agency did say that most birth moms do call within this legal risk period with doubts. I really have no clue as to how this will turn out however most Lifetime movies have a happy ending, don't they? Sorry for the light humor but it's either that or continue to cry my eyes out.

If you are the praying type we would appreciate your prayers that God will do what is right for Briar. I hope it is that he stays with us but you just never know His plan.

She Signed!

I just received a call from our Agency and IB signed the Consent for Adoption papers today.

Whoooohoooooo!!!!!!!!!

Now we just wait until September 7th when it becomes irrevocable and Briar will be ours for forever ;-)

Please send prayers our way that she does not change her mind within this timeframe.

More waiting

Well the signing did not happen today, unfortunately IB had to reschedule due to a work issue. Raechel reassured us that the reschedule had nothing to do with IB having second thoughts that it truly was a scheduling conflict and she could not make it in by the time the office closed. It has been scheduled for Friday and IB has the day off of work so there shouldn't be anything to get in the way this time, hopefully.

Milestones

We've hit a couple of milestones this weekend. This is the first weekend that IB has not came to visit Briar. There was only one week before that she did not visit him and that was after she left the hospital and Briar went to the foster moms. It feels a little odd not to see her this weekend. I do think this really shows she is making progress with moving on with her life and letting Briar do the same.

Last night Dan and I went out for our first "Date Night" and Briar got to spend the evening with Grandma Sue and Grandpa Don. He of course had a blast with them and couldn't stop talking about it after they left (LOL!). We went to a movie and then to dinner. We saw Bourne Ultimatum, which we thought was awesome. But get this, in the movie there is this top secret ops organization called "Black Briar". WHAT?! Both Dan and I looked at each other when it was said. Too weird!

I knew sooner or later this would happen, I'm getting a cold. My first sickness with having to take care of our son. I hate getting sick, especially colds cause when I get them they are really really bad! And I'm the type of person that has to load up on drugs to get through it. Well I don't think I'll be able to do that anymore. Now I know why my mom rarely was sick, she just couldn't be.

This morning Briar and I were chatting and having a fun time. He was cooing and I was cooing back. Then I was saying "hi" to him a couple times over and I swear he said it back to me! Dan was in the living room too but he was typing away on his PC so I told him and he came to listen but of course Briar got shy. I guess he only will say hi to Mommy ;-)