Things are moving along

The letters went in the mail on Friday, mailed to 134 pregnancy crisis centers. We finished updating our profile (yay!), we will be turning it in tonight since we will be at the agency. We are attending a seminar "Coping with the Wait in Adoption", so we will drop off the new profile to go in the Waiting Families book. So it appears things are moving along.

The Plan

Sorry for the absence. Last week was kind of rough for us. It started out when I noticed there were about 10 new profiles out on our Agency's website. It just started me thinking that there are so many adoptive families and not enough birth families and how would we ever get picked. Usually Dan is my rock and when I'm down he will get me to feel better but he was feeling rather down as well. So for a couple days we kind of mopped around. Then this weekend we started to put a plan in place. Dan is working on ads (on-line and paper) and I will be doing another mass mailing. This time I have found all the pregnancy crisis centers in the MN and the surrounding states, so far I have addresses for about 100. My goal is to try to do at least one mass mailing every couple weeks. If anyone has ideas of places to mail to please post them! We aren't going to stop until our baby finds us!!!

I really should have posted on Friday to share the news that my niece Michelle graduated from high school. I'm just so proud of her! She was 29th in her class, out of about 300 students. I just can't believe she is out of high school. It seems like the other day that I was babysitting her and she decided to projectile vomit on me the bottle she had just finished off. Where did the time go?

A week

Even though it's only been a week since we heard the news time is just dragging by. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so strong or that I didn't have that drive to never give up but that was not how I was raised (thank you Mom & Dad!). It would be so easy to just curl up in bed and sleep until we are chosen. However I can't do that, I'm too determined of a person and need to be proactive. So I have started to revise our profile, not making too much changes just adding some updated pictures and changing some wording (want it to really speak from the heart). We will also be posting our profile out on some adoption sites. Those cost money but I guess in the long run what's an extra couple hundred compared to the $20K total that it is costing us to adopt. Which I could totally go on a rant about that but don't feel like being negative right now.

I'm looking forward to the long weekend and spending quality time with my honey! We both have Friday off as well. We are going to be painting a couple of our bathrooms (well I should say, Dan will be painting and I will be watching) and if the weather is nice get out and go biking, Rollerblading and maybe some golf!

Unanswered Prayers

We are healing slowly, I think I'm further along then Dan. It is so painful and heartbreaking. It's like finding out you are pregnant and then miscarrying. Your hopes are so high and then loss. However it is what it is. We can't change it. We just need to accept it and move on. The Agency had called, both our social worker and the birthmom's social worker. During my conversations with them I didn't have the need to ask questions as to "why". It doesn't matter. This is odd coming from me, I'm the type of person that can over analyze anything to death (I know there are alot of nodding heads of family and friends reading this LOL!).

I know that one day it will happen for us and it will be a wonderful match! We'll look back to this situation and thank God for this one not working out. During times like this in my life, when things don't go the way I want them to, I always think back to the song by Garth Brooks "Unanswered Prayers" and it gives me comfort:

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

There have been so many things in my life that I have truly thanked God for not answering that prayer. He does know what he's doing sometimes ;-)

I want to extend a big hug and thanks to everyone for their support during this trying time. It would be so much harder if we didn't have your support.

Lesson learned

Unfortunately we were not chosen :(

Even though K had a better connection with us and wanted to chose us the parents had a better connection with the other family and went with them. It's too bad the social worker gave us false hope that we were the ones without confirmation from Ks parents.

I feel bad that I got everyone all excited for us. Lesson has been learned that until it is completely official (and maybe finalized, well that might be going too far) we will wait on sending a broad cast email to everyone.

I know God has his reasons as to why this little guy was not meant to be a part of our family but it still hurts and we of course are very sad. We can't help but wonder if we will ever get to fulfill our dream of being parents.

I ordered a t-shirt today that says "Adoption- The Wait Is So Long But So Worth It!" I sure hope so cause this is killing us!

A bump in the journey

So we got an email from Rachel late yesterday afternoon that starts off like this:

Dan and Linda, I am really sorry to have to be sharing this information with you…but

oh geeze, sick feeling in pit of stomach when I read that.

She goes on to tell us that the meeting on Monday has been postponed. That Ks parents feel that because of her age she is unable to make such a serious commitment to one family without meeting another. And that they want her to explore all of her options before they will feel comfortable supporting her in her decision. (note - when I say Ks parents I'm referring to her Dad and his girlfriend, just easier to type Parents)

Well, this other family had better be something spectacular to outshine us! Cause we are pretty darn great ;-)

Rachel did say in her email that her parents think we are an excellent family and them meeting another has nothing to do with the very positive impression they had of our family. So that is GREAT news!

She is hoping to be able to give us a more solid direction of their decision by Tuesday or Wednesday. UGH, more waiting!

Over the next few days there is going to be alot of praying to give me the patience and support to get through the next several days. I know that if this baby is meant to be in our lives then God will see that it happens.

Is it Monday yet?!

It's been a week since we met K, however it seems like so long ago. I wish we would have been able to keep the momentum going with a meeting this week. I almost can't picture her anymore. Dan said we should take a picture of her this next meeting.....ummm no. I don't think that would go over too well, they might think we are alittle weird ;-) Maybe in a couple weeks honey.

So I have decided, with some feedback from family/friends, to keep the crib bedding out! It is so adorable, cheery and neutral plus it will be a baby room for a year or so. And with how much Dan likes to paint we can definitely switch it out in no time to a boy toddler theme. I'm so lucky he likes to paint!

I can't believe we have another 4 days to wait, ugh! Of course, every once in a while there is a little voice inside my head that is worried that something might happen before our next meeting to make her change her mind. I squash those thoughts as soon is they creep in. Only positive thinking is allow right now!!!

Next Match Meeting Scheduled

We heard back from Rachel earlier today and it looks like this week doesn't work. They have a busy week: an appt with a lawyer, K has doctor appt and a counseling session. So it has been scheduled for next Monday at 6pm at our house. Also the Dad and Step/Mom don't feel comfortable with K meeting without them until everyone knows each other alittle better. Which we can understand completely. Rachel did talk with them about letting K speak for herself and they agreed to be more conscious of this.

I'm bummed that it is not this week however it will just give us some extra time to get things organized around the house. I'm debating on whether to keep the crib bedding out or not, what if they don't like it? Dan thinks I'm crazy but women worry about things like this. Also wondering if I should make some bars or something. Well I have a whole week to make these decisions.

I wanted to say a big THANK YOU to all of our family and friends for their shared excitement, words of enthusiasm and prayers! We are so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives to take part in this wonderful journey with us. Thank you!!!!!

Pinch me

I keep thinking "am I dreaming?" It still hasn't fully sunk in yet that we have been matched with a birthmom. I think it will once K asks us. I just hope I don't get over emotional when she does. I don't want to scare her off by how I look when I cry (not a pretty picture LOL!).

We ran some errands yesterday, one place we went to was Costco and just had to pick up a few boy outfits (wasn't just my idea, Dan was all excited too!). Here's what we got:

The sleeper is 9 months, the long sleeve two piece is 3 months and the other two piece is newborn. The newborn one is so cute, you can't see the writing but it says "Daddy's Little Helper" and has tools on it. And the sleeper has a doggie on it, had to get that one in honor of Roxie. Aahhhhh, so cute!

Then Dan was insistent that we stop at the book store to get some baby books. So we picked up two:

• The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems: Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau
• Your Baby's First Year For Dummies

Good thing we take the bus to work so we have time to read these before July 18th! Our next step is to get signed up for a class on basic baby care stuff. Time to head over to Babies R Us to see what they might have for classes.

I'm hoping I'll be able to post when our next meeting is on Monday night. Stay tuned.....

Happy Dance!

The social worker called around 5:30pm to let us know that it is unoffical that "K" wants us to parent her baby!!! The only reason why it is not offical is because "K" wants to ask us in person, OMG how sweet is that! So next week Rachel (social worker) and "K" will come over to our house so we can all get to know each other better without the Dad and "step in mom" and for her to ask us. I know I will cry. Then afterwards we are to go out to dinner with everyone, including Dad and "step in mom". Rachel will call us on Monday to let us know what night works best for them. We of course said anytime works, we will drop everything for this!

We are in shock! We have made a few phone calls to let people know and slowly as we make the calls the more excited we are getting. It is just such a perfect match and situation.

It has been 1219 days since we have tried to become parents,
315 days since we decided to adopt,
170 days since waiting on a match and,
75 days until we realize our dream of becoming parents!!!

The Match Meeting

Here it is very early Friday morning and I can't sleep so thought I would post an update.

We were so nervous yesterday and get this, got lost on our way over there. Well not exactly lost but when I typed in the address to Google Maps I typed 2230 and not 2330. The agency has two buildings and it was in the building we've never been in. Needless to say there is not a 2230 so Dan went in to a Speedy Mart and asked and it was just down the street a block. Its a good thing we were meeting with the social workers first, so we had plenty of time before the birth mom arrived.

The meeting went extremely well! She is a wonderful girl and of course due to this pregnancy a bit older for her age. She knows exactly what type of open adoption she wants and knows that she cannot raise this baby without sacrificing the rest of her childhood. She wants to do school sports, go out with friends, go to college. She has a very good head on her shoulders. And she is just so cute! She has sandy brown hair, green eyes, fair skin and the cutest button nose. I can tell once she gets to know a person she opens up and is talkative, however last night it was kind of hard for her.

Her Dad and "step in mom" were also there, very nice people, a bit talkative though so it sometimes was hard for the birthmom to speak up. I could tell the Dad loves his daughter so much and just wants what is best for her. He is very, very supportive of adoption plans.

We really like her and there are alot of similarities between her, Dan and I; personalities, things in our childhood, values. When they left her social worker walked them out and I guess she wanted to make her decision then because she really really liked us (whooohoooo!). However her Dad and "step in mom" told her she was to young to make this decision so fast, that she needs to sleep on it. The social worker arranged for a meeting with just her tomorrow to talk it through, since ultimately it is her decision. That meeting is at 3:30pm and then the social worker said she will call us at 5pm to let us know. That's 12 hours away, UGH!

I truly believe we made a match! Of course there is always the possibility that after she has had time to think it over she might decide she doesn't like us that much (nahhh, we're great people what's there not to like!).

I know you all are waiting for this info ---
Due date July 18
It's a Boy!

Once we get the call I'll post an update. Keep sending those prayers! Thanks ;-)

The Agency called!

We received a call today that there is a birthmom that wants to meet us!!! The call came around 11am, they first tried me at work but I was on a conference call so they called Dan. He took all the info down and called and left me a vm to call him immediately, he didn't say why. He had to repeat the words a few times for it to sink in what he was saying, I made a bit of a scene at work (screamed alittle LOL!) and told him that this had better not be a joke, nope no joke. Then I started to cry a little and shake with excitement. I was pretty much a basket case the rest of the day. She is looking at another couple, however Rachel (from the agency) said that we are her favorite but she thought she had better meet with another couple. A plus for us is that we live in the same suburb as her which she might factor into her decision. She is a young girl but sounds very grounded and is embracing adoption for her baby. So the meeting is set for Thursday night at the agency. If this is meant to be our baby it will happen. Please send some prayers our way to help us get through the next few days.

Another Great Weekend

It's 4pm on Sunday and it has been another great weekend here! No rain this weekend, sunny sky through out. Today we went for a nice long bike ride on the Three River nature trail by us. Thank goodness I've been riding my stationary bike for the last several months otherwise Dan would have left me in his dust :)

On Saturday we went to go order the stroller/infant car seat combo at Direct Buy (we became members last year when we moved into the house). However the model we wanted (Graco Quattro Deluxe Travel System) is not available through them so it looks like we will have to pay retail for it. We also went and picked up some color swatches for the nursery, about time considering we've been talking about that for a couple months now. I think we will use three colors; two yellows and a sage. And we will attempt to paint a bumble bee buzzing around to match the bedding. Once we have it completed I'll post a picture.

Well that's all for now, Roxie is looking at me pleading for me to go play ball with her in the back yard.

It's Spring!

Even though it is raining here right now this weekend has been pretty good. The first weekend that has the feel of spring time in the air. It's been in the 70's both days so I was able to get a few things done outside. Tended to our landscaping, cleaned up some shrubs and put some of my garden decor out. I was also able to get some of the patio/deck furniture out. It started to rain mid afternoon here and it is much needed, so I'm not going to complain. It will definitely get things to green up since its been pretty dry here. Speaking of green, Happy Earth Day!

I wish I had some news to share about our adoption plans. I did have a dream last night that we had a few potential birth moms contact us wanting to meet. If only it wasn't a dream.

No champs here

Dan's hockey team did not win the tournament this weekend (not too surprising). I went and watched their last game on Saturday, which neither team was at their best. Both teams must have been pretty tired cause they were all kind of hackie at each other. However it was always fun to go and watch, I've always loved hockey! Dan did get a little injury (well, according to him an injury is were you can't play so he says it was not an injury and I beg to differ). Him and a team mate skated into each other and knocked each other down. Dan's head rammed into the other guys back pretty hard, it took them both about a minute or so to get back to their feet. Dan ended up with a scrap on his nose from his helmet. Ah, good times.

Today was a beautiful Minnesota day, we went for a very long walk with Roxie in the nature trail by us. We took the grass trail instead of the paved one so Roxie was able to be off the leash for the most part. She of course just loved running free and rolled in something that was either mud or something else that is brown......eeuuwwwww. She got a bath as soon as we got home.

Nothing new on the adoption front, just waiting.

Winter or Spring???

You just never know with Minnesota weather at this time of year. Yesterday it snowed here, actually it started on Tuesday night and continued into Wednesday evening. It was a light snow/drizzle and we end up having about 2 inches in our yard. And of course today the weather turned warmer and it melted. Make up your mind Minnesota!!! I really want to switch out my wardrobe but I hate being cold, I guess I will have to continue to wear my turtlenecks for another week or so.

Dan has his hockey tournament this weekend. Tonight is the first game and then there are two on Saturday with the championship game on Sunday. Last year his team won the league, they were so excited and it was well deserved, they really played great last year. Not sure if they will this year, they've kind of been slackin' (shhhh don't tell Dan I said that).

Another contact

We received an email from a women that works at a Planned Parenthood a couple hours away from the Twin Cities (received our mailing). She went to our website and commented on how much she liked it (if you haven't done so, check it out the new one is now published). She also told us that she is expecting, unplanned pregnancy (yes, a bit ironic considering where she works), and contemplating adoption. We, of course, are not getting our hopes up at all but it is nice to have had another person contact us because of our mailings.

We also heard of another potential birthmother earlier in the week, not from the mailings, again not getting hopes up.

Dan and I have faith in God, that when the time is right the child that is meant to be in our arms will find his/her way to us. Until then, we are waiting patiently and of course keeping ourselves busy ;-)

How sweet is this?

On Monday night we got a call from a woman that works at a clinic near our house, one of the ones we mailed to. She wanted to let us know that she would definitely pass on the info to the staff and doctors at her clinic. She also asked for me to send her more cards, that 3 just wouldn't be enough. Oops...I guess I should have looked at how many doctors were in each clinic we mailed to and sent that amount. I did get the cards off to her the next morning with a thank you note.

She also told us that her and her husband are also in the process of getting ready to adopt, their homestudy is almost approved. She thought is was a great idea to send out the letter and that they will be doing the same thing but that she did not want to do outreach at her clinic being to close to the patience's etc... It was just so sweet of her to call us! It gave me hope that maybe alot of those letters and cards won't end up in the trash. I hope one day I can pass on hope to a stranger like she did for me!

Time to catch up!

It's been a couple weeks since my last post, been a bit busy. Our weekend get away was nice, we ended up hiking instead of cross country skiing. It was still a good time and amazing to see the huge ice build up on the shores of Lake Superior due to the powerful winds from the big snow storms we had the other month, here's a couple of pictures

Remember a couple months ago when I said I wanted to send out letters to the OB/GYN clinics, well I finally got around to doing that. We started with the clinics within a 10 miles radius of us, all the Planned Parenthoods in MN and then all within a 60 miles radius of Duluth. There was a total of 85 letters. My mom helped me the other day put them together, we stuffed them with a few business cards. I'm sure the majority will end up in the trash but it only takes one person to pass on the info to someone that is wanting to make adoption plans for their baby. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Dan is also in the process of updating our website with a fresh look. We should have that published by Tuesday.

Other things going on in my life, I've been focusing on going Green! This will be an evolving process, taking baby steps right now. First I'm concentrating on the personal and skincare products I use. I was amazed to find out that alot of the products I use have chemicals in them that are linked to causing cancer (specifically breast). Not that this is brand new info to me I guess I'm just taking my blinders off and realizing it is time to make a change for the health of me and the environment. I went through my drawers/cabinets and have at least 30 items to get rid of. I've begun to use my new products and love them! Here is a link to an article on this topic http://www.seventhgen.com/making_difference/newsletter_article.php?article=539&issue=82

We will also be changing out all household products with "green" ones once we run out of what we currently have. This then also raises the question on what will we do about diapers. Do we use expensive environmentally friendly one's, cloth one's or the one's that will sit in a landfill for years???

We're melting....

Well the 20 or so inches of snow we got a few weeks go has almost melted in half! The weather this weekend was spring like, it was so beautiful. If it continues like this we won't have any snow left by next weekend. I'm alittle bummed since we have plans to go up to the North Shore area this coming weekend and we're hoping to cross country ski. Oh well, we may have to settle for muddy hiking instead. Either way it will be a nice break to get away. Roxie isn't coming with us, "Uncle Ronnie" will be doggy sitting. He'd better get use to it cause he will definitely be called on for baby sitting once we are blessed with our baby. There has to be some perks of having a best friend of 22 years, right?!